Sure, I’ve quite a hundred times before and I’m not sure how to explain how it’s different this time, but it is.

Today marks 10 days since I quit.  Actually, I think it’s been 11, but who’s counting .

At first, I thought since I had a cold, it would be the time to quit.  I didn’t feel like smoking anyway cuz, well, it makes me cough when I have a cold.  Thinking back, probably not a good idea cuz as I begin to feel better, my desire to smoke gets worse.  BUT, as I said, I feel differently about it this time.  I’m praying…..have people praying for me and I…..just……know.

I know that I can’t diet and quit smoking and get healthy and fix the world……all at once.  One thing at a time.  I may gain a few pounds in this first step, but I’ll work on that later and I’m comfortable with that.  That’s a first!

There ya have it…….well on my way to clear lungs .  If I could get rid of this cold I’d tell ya how much better I feel, but that’s not happening today .

If ya have a minute……30 seconds even…..say a prayer, will ya?

Thanks!!

I don’t claim to be a perfect Christian.  I promise I’ll never make that claim.

I do know right from wrong and the fine line that seems to be between the two.

This post is to ask for your input on a few things.  I don’t want you to give me an excuse to do wrong.  I’m pretty sure my mind is made up in regards to what I’m about to type, but I’m curious to know where other people stand.

I’m not positive how I should say what is to follow, but I will say up front….I AM NOT talking about anyone specifically, nor is it my intention to offend anyone.  Just seeking opinions, regardless of what they are.  If you feel the need to be negative, I might suggest the X in the upper right hand corner (upper left to Mac users)….I’m not finding fault or judging….NONE OF THAT.  That said…..here ya go:

I’ve said this before…..I read LOTS of blogs…..I would say 95% of the authors are Christians.  Lots of posts I read talk about how broken they are…..how all jacked up their lives are.  Most use these lines, I assume, to let readers know none of us are perfect and they’re just as screwed up as the next guy……Ya know, to seem more “normal”.

What I find odd is this:  Lately I have seen more and more posts telling readers about specific things they have done and are doing,  explaining them away cuz “I’m just a broken mess like the next guy.”

At what point do we not use the fact that we’re all broken as an excuse?  I mean….is drinking wrong?  Is getting drunk?  Some will argue fervently that it is.  If it’s wrong, wouldn’t glorifying it via your blog be wrong too?  I’m not writing about the recovering alcoholic who is sharing/venting his or her story.  I’m referring to the average, every day, Christian, who in one post, has been delivered from these sins and way of life and now “battles” the demons.  At the same time of their battles, they talk about how last night they did this or that, but it’s ok….cuz I’m broken.

Is looking lustfully at a man or woman (that is NOT your spouse) wrong?  Does your writing a blog post making light of it because you’re just as broken as the next guy/gal make it UN-wrong?

Listen, (here it comes…are you ready?), I’m just as screwed up as the next guy…..I had to put that there, but the simple truth is I AM.  I am as unperfect as they come.  I do things that I’m quite sure I should not do.  I do things, and as I’m doing them, I wonder if God is crying in disappointment.  I am individually the spokesperson for brokenness.  I put a TON of my life out there via this blog.  I am, pretty much, an open book.  BUT I try my best not to glorify the bad that I do cuz I don’t have any idea who reads this stuff.  I’d be stupid to think it’s only those who comment and if you think that about your blog, GET REAL! I used to look at stat programs and I know that’s not true and I don’t want one of my posts to be read by some vulnerable teenager, giving them motivation to be “broken” just like I am.  In turn, they convince themselves that EVERYTHING is ok because they’re saved.

Yes, He forgives all sins, but we can’t forget, He also knows our hearts.  Do we think He doesn’t notice that we ask forgiveness for the same sins EVERY day?  At what point are we taking advantage of the Grace He has given us?  At what point do we stop?

Trust me, I know things are difficult….especially when we’re talking about drinking, smoking, etc.  To finally QUIT and stop talking about God forgiving you for NOT quitting, is a vicious cycle.  I don’t have a problem with the struggle…..we all struggle…..I struggle….LOTS.   I welcome anyone who needs to talk and I would much rather you come talk to me, or anyone else for that matter, than you write a post about it once a month…or better yet, every week.  I admit that I have actually had the thought…”well, i don’t feel so bad now that I know so and so has the same issues.”  Man, I just think that’s a scary message to have out there.

Again, no, none of us are perfect, but sometimes I see things that seem like we’re using our struggles over and over to seem more Christian…..in the end, aren’t we saying that we’re not learning any lessons, cuz we keep having the same struggles?

I don’t have the answers.  I don’t expect for you to have them either, but would welcome your thoughts.

Care to enlighten me?

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Jill tagged me to do a post on 5 addictions of mine. Usually when I see anything resembling a survey or a “do this cuz I said so” kinda thing, I delete and move on. This, however, made me think of a few things that may be getting too much of my attention. Thus the reason they’re called addictions and not lovely things we do too much of . This, of course, does not imply that I only have 5….Just 5 that I’m willing to list here…HA!!   Here we go:

1. This Computer. No, not just the internet, but the computer and most all of the information it holds.  This is definitely my number 1 cuz I devote way too much time to it.  I constantly justify the time I spend here by telling myself that everything I do here is to expand the Kingdom of God.  When I think about it though, that’s not 100% true.  Sometimes it’s more of an escape.  If I’m here, I can ignore the destruction my kids are making of the house.  If I’m here, I can ignore the fat cells making themselves comfortable in my big ole butt.  Sometimes it’s a diversion from reality and I need to get over that.  It is also caused, at times, by my craving for the adult interaction that I don’t get nearly enough of.  None of those things are excuses and I need to stop using them as crutches.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I do here that I feel specifically called to do and I will continue to do as long as I am reaching the lost.  I haven’t had any indication, as of late, that I have stopped reaching them .  THAT’S a good thing…No, it’s GREAT!!  Praise God!!
2. I Assume. Yep, that’s an addiction for me.  Most of the time, I assume the worst in every situation.  Random tweets, messages and blogs that have nothing to do with me??  Yep, I assume they’re pointed directly at me and I immediately take offense.  Looks, short talk, people not saying anything?  Yep, I generally assume I’ve done something.  I know, I know, to assume makes an////well, you know what I mean and I know it’s something I need to fix.
3. Food! This could possibly be up there with number 1 and it is definitely an addiction. Now then, addiction is defined as being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming. Wow, dependent is a good word.  When I’m bored, I eat.  Unfortunately, the only time I’m bored is usually at night which happens to be the worst time to eat.  Apples and grapes don’t do it for me.  I usually end up with some chips and salsa or some left over cornbread stuffing….Yes, I’m still eating stuffing from Christmas and I need to stop typing about it or I’m gonna end up with a big ole bowl in front of me in a few minutes.  NEXT!
4. Christian Music. I know, there are worse things I could be addicted to, but no one said these had to be bad things.  The word “addicted” may seem to be a bit strong here, but ask my wife, I almost refuse to listen to anything else.  I’ve been this way since I was saved.  I love the stuff!  I have downloaded main stream music to try and break the monotony, but it’s basically wasted space on my ipod cuz I never listen to it.  I have a few playlists and one is titled “Christian”.  In that list is 6 of my 7 gigs of music.  Without a second thought, I turn on the ipod, hit Christian and then shuffle. I have ZERO desire to listen to anything else.  I can’t imagine God minds that too much.  You should try it!
5. Smoking! Oh hush!  I can hear ya now….”How can you put this last?”  Well, I don’t have any good excuses for ya.  I’m not trying to tell ya it’s not important and I’m not saying it’s something that I shouldn’t be trying to quit.  But, of these 5, it is the one that is the least likely to stop.  I have all but given up on quitting.  I have tried the patch, cold turkey, Zyban…You name it, I’ve tried it and I’m still puffin away.  If you have a miracle cure, let me know, but I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and I can’t shake it.  A while back, we stopped smoking around the kids which has decreased my habit from 2 packs a day to a little under a pack a day.  That’s amazing improvement for me and now I know the only person I’m affecting with my smoke is ME.  I can deal with that.  I truly wish I could quit, but I can’t stand the person that I am when I try to quit.  I get mean and hateful and have thoughts that I don’t enjoy having.  I know they would eventually go away, but I’m not sure my marriage would out last my temper.  I’m a pretty easy going, gentle kinda guy and I don’t know what it is with nicotine, but the lack of it makes me someone I don’t wanna be.  Doubt it’s that bad?  Ask Ria if she thinks I should quit.  How she manages to quit because she’s pregnant is beyond me.  She, just like me, can’t quit for nothing any other time, but tell her she’s pregnant and she’s done!  I don’t get it.  Hey, maybe I just need to get pregnant?!

Ok, there ya have it.  I’m not gonna tag anyone cuz I’m a brat like that, but feel free to let me know about your addictions in the comment section.

To see what this is all about or to get involved yourself, click the banner up there.  It’s never too late to start.  Join us today!

Yeah, I know, I don’t much care for the song either, but the title seemed fitting .

Don’t forget to check out Andy’s blog and stay tuned as together we may have some good stuff coming up!

Results:

Me:  271.8–Lost/Gained ZERO!

Ria:  142.4–Lost 3 pounds(she had gained 2.4 the week we didn’t post)

Running Total:

Me:  Lost 6 pounds

Ria:  Lost 7 pounds

OH NO SHE DIDN’T!  I gotsta get to work!

Today, for my weekly post carrying the title Friday Reflections, I choose to reflect on the past 23 years.

Yep, that’s no exageration.  Sure, I havne’t smoked like I do now for that long, but I’m pretty sure I was 12 when I first started smoking to be “cool”.  I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times I have quit smoking.  I can’t tell ya how many times I have come home and destroyed every cigarette in the house and threw away every lighter and every ashtray.  Only for an hour or two to pass before I was digging the cigarettes out of the trash, lighting them on the stove and using a coffee cup with a lil water in the bottom as my ashtray. Today I can reflect on all the cigarettes I have stolen from my Mom….all the money I stole from my Mom to buy cigarettes….all the cigarettes I have simply stolen from grocery stores….how many times I went to the grocery store, telling them I was buying them for my Mom, cuz I knew that they knew she smoked.  Man, I bet they thought she was on her death bed smoking that much!

As I type this, it is Thursday night and today was a pretty amazing day.  On this day i have made a few revelations.  I have learned…no, not learned because I already knew…..I have realized….yes, that’s better…that I am not as important as I would like to think I am.  At the same time, I realized that I’m too important to keep killing myself with these cigarettes.  Pretty amazing, huh?

As most of you know, I joined this thing called the RagamuffinTop Challenge and I am, heart and soul, dedicated to getting healthy.  Well, that’s not all of the firsts for today….Today I didn’t get to the gym cuz Ria had stuff to do at work.  Usually that opens the door for me to make excuses on why I couldn’t exercise.  Enough of that crap!  I don’t need a gym to exercise!  I exercised right here in my living room and after choir practice tonight, I ran/walked a mile around the housing unit.

It was as I started running that I started thinking.  Don’t get me wrong, I have these thoughts about quitting smoking every time I exercise.  I always say to myself….”self, can you imagine how much easier this would be if you could breathe?”  It usually lasts until I get out to the car and light up immediately after the workout.  Today was different.  Today, I prayed as I started to run.  Today, I said, “God please let this run be successful….please let my heart sustain what I’m about to put it through…please let me breathe.”  As soon as I said Amen, I felt the need for a cigarette.  That’s God calling attention to the obvious.  I’ve had these experiences before, but I think today God and I had a closeness that I rarely experience.  I got mad!  Not a bad mad, but a great anger.  I got to the first corner and what did God put there?  Ria!  That’s right, she was on her way home with the kids.  So, I stopped her and told her to please go home and hide every cigarette, lighter and ashtray in the house cuz I am done…..so, so, done!  She drove off and I thought to myself….”Hide them??  That’s a weak way out.  You only hide them to hopefully find them again.”  I ran home, tore em to shreds and then the big deal….Ya ready?  Yep, I destroyed our ration cards for the cigarettes and the military WILL NOT sell them to ya without it.  Nor will they replace them.  So, we’re done!  Some of ya will say…WE?…You mean you’re making Ria quit too??  No, I’m not making her do anything….I”m just taking control of this house and there will be no smoking in it or around us or our children.  I have to say sorry to my Mom and my sister as they’ll have to prepare to not smoke for 7 and 2 weeks respectively .

Now that I have turned this into a novel, I get to the most important part.  I NEED YOU! This is no different than the RagamuffinTop Challenge, where I need some people to hold me accountable.  So, I ask you to do the same here in whatever way you see fit.  I would do the very same for you all….I hope you know that!

Do you have any addictions you’re dealing with and need someone to hold you accountable??  Shoot me an email or comment and I’d be more than happy to help!
Secure form that only I will see below.
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