Half Way

Last night I was listening to some of the One Prayer messages.  I couldn’t possibly listen to them all or ALL of them all, but skimmed a few that MCC is hosting.  You can check out Scot’s message and some others at Maryland’s site.

While listening to Scot’s message, he mentioned the bad feeling we can get when we’re half way there.  Whether driving a long way, losing weight, dealing with an addiction, etc., when you’re on a long journey and you get to a point where you’re not close to where you started and you’re not really close to where you want to be…..that “half way point” can be a horrible place.

I know this all too well with some of the struggles I have encountered in life.  Once it was driving straight thru from Indiana to Fort Myers. It’s not quite half way, but we get to the Florida state line and get all excited, only to realize we still have 8 hours to Fort Myers.  Other times, as you have read here, it’s dieting or quitting smoking.  I get about half way there and, as Scot says, decide that the wind against me is stronger than the God who is for me.

It’s a bad feeling to admit that last line, but I do it all of the time.  I rely on God for so much, but when it comes to difficult things, I let the enemy convince me they are stronger than God.  I have done this for so long that I have taken another route to derail that line of thinking.  See, if I just quit, IT didn’t defeat me, but I made the decision.  I know, that’s a thin line, but it’s the way my mind makes excuses for me.

So, I do most things half way and call that “good enough”.  Whether it’s guitar playing….I practiced every day at first….learning lots of chords and progressions…then I quit practicing because what I knew was “good enough” to get me by.  Dieting??  Yeah, I just convince myself that I don’t care and the sad part is, I might not care.

How bout my career?  Well, the same thing goes….At first, I was what the Christians call “ON FIRE”. I had the BlogTv show going, started this blog, was writing about God daily, journaling, going to school….I was, indeed, ON FIRE.  Well, last year that changed.  I was about “half way” thru school and, well, with being “half way” done, came what usually comes.  I quit.  No, I didn’t quit school, but my interest took a nose dive.  No more journaling, no more reading, lots less writing.  Old habits die hard and for all intents and purposes, I was DONE.  I had learned enough to get by.  I mean, did I really need a degree to preach God’s Word??  No, I didn’t…still don’t.  It has taken everything within me to NOT quit school all together…..Yes, even with only 2 semesters to go.

So, as is usually the case, I have nothing profound to say here.  Maybe just to get a prayer or two….maybe someone reading is going thru the same thing and now knows they’re not alone.  I don’t know the reasoning.  I only know I was touched by some messages yesterday and after many years, finally faced up to my “half way” behavior.

Now, it’s time to fix it.