08/24/09
10/28/09
I stood there today, with really no fear. I mean, she’s ok….I see her every day. She’s the same Chaya she’s always been….runs, climbs, wrestles with her brother. I know these things and have faith and proof that our prayers were answered. Still, I stood there today…..with tears in my eyes as all of the emotions I felt on August 24th came rushing back in. I stood in that exact spot then too. I watched and tried to tell her everything was ok so she would hold still for the scan. Then, she was seemingly holding on for dear life…..too tired to cry, but in too much pain not to. I couldn’t stand it and I never want to be in that place again.
Today was a bit different. I’m still trying to get her to hold still for the scan…..she lays there stiff as a board….except for her head…..yeah, the part she’s supposed to be holding still. She can’t cuz she keeps looking at me and smiling. Every time she looks at me, I laugh and tell her HOLD YOUR HEAD STILL. She laughs….which makes her move. The doctors don’t find it nearly as amusing, but they didn’t see her laying there 2 months ago. Her smile didn’t mean anything to them. It was at that point, before the scan was read, I knew the results. God placed that smile on my little girl to tell me “there she is…..take care of her.” I felt Him speak that to me. No, not an audible sound….not anything I heard, but I ‘felt’ Him. The same way I felt Him 2 months ago. After all of the tears and doubt and the begging for forgiveness because I doubted, I felt Him say “you have been set free—worry no more.”
What an awesome God we serve! I look at those 2 pictures above and see a miracle. I weep as I sit here, in awe of Him. We can keep trying to grasp how big He is…..How, with all of the world to love, He chose Chaya 2 months ago. STOP! Stop trying to grasp it. You can’t…..we can’t. When you put a value on it or envision a physical thing that big, you’ve missed the boat. Your imagination cannot think THAT big…..stop trying…..and know…..just know He is, has and always will be…..
