Aug 15 2008

Friday Reflections–Life Saving Reflection

Posted in Living show hide 4 comments

My name is Toby and I am a smoke-a-holic.  Don’t laugh…it’s not funny!  It’s killing me and I can feel it doing so.  I can blame it on the weather or my weight, but if my lungs weren’t black, I could breathe easier and not pass out after running a quarter mile.

Today, for my weekly post carrying the title Friday Reflections, I choose to reflect on the past 23 years.

Yep, that’s no exageration.  Sure, I havne’t smoked like I do now for that long, but I’m pretty sure I was 12 when I first started smoking to be “cool”.  I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times I have quit smoking.  I can’t tell ya how many times I have come home and destroyed every cigarette in the house and threw away every lighter and every ashtray.  Only for an hour or two to pass before I was digging the cigarettes out of the trash, lighting them on the stove and using a coffee cup with a lil water in the bottom as my ashtray. Today I can reflect on all the cigarettes I have stolen from my Mom….all the money I stole from my Mom to buy cigarettes….all the cigarettes I have simply stolen from grocery stores….how many times I went to the grocery store, telling them I was buying them for my Mom, cuz I knew that they knew she smoked.  Man, I bet they thought she was on her death bed smoking that much!

As I type this, it is Thursday night and today was a pretty amazing day.  On this day i have made a few revelations.  I have learned…no, not learned because I already knew…..I have realized….yes, that’s better…that I am not as important as I would like to think I am.  At the same time, I realized that I’m too important to keep killing myself with these cigarettes.  Pretty amazing, huh?

As most of you know, I joined this thing called the RagamuffinTop Challenge and I am, heart and soul, dedicated to getting healthy.  Well, that’s not all of the firsts for today….Today I didn’t get to the gym cuz Ria had stuff to do at work.  Usually that opens the door for me to make excuses on why I couldn’t exercise.  Enough of that crap!  I don’t need a gym to exercise!  I exercised right here in my living room and after choir practice tonight, I ran/walked a mile around the housing unit.

It was as I started running that I started thinking.  Don’t get me wrong, I have these thoughts about quitting smoking every time I exercise.  I always say to myself….”self, can you imagine how much easier this would be if you could breathe?”  It usually lasts until I get out to the car and light up immediately after the workout.  Today was different.  Today, I prayed as I started to run.  Today, I said, “God please let this run be successful….please let my heart sustain what I’m about to put it through…please let me breathe.”  As soon as I said Amen, I felt the need for a cigarette.  That’s God calling attention to the obvious.  I’ve had these experiences before, but I think today God and I had a closeness that I rarely experience.  I got mad!  Not a bad mad, but a great anger.  I got to the first corner and what did God put there?  Ria!  That’s right, she was on her way home with the kids.  So, I stopped her and told her to please go home and hide every cigarette, lighter and ashtray in the house cuz I am done…..so, so, done!  She drove off and I thought to myself….”Hide them??  That’s a weak way out.  You only hide them to hopefully find them again.”  I ran home, tore em to shreds and then the big deal….Ya ready?  Yep, I destroyed our ration cards for the cigarettes and the military WILL NOT sell them to ya without it.  Nor will they replace them.  So, we’re done!  Some of ya will say…WE?…You mean you’re making Ria quit too??  No, I’m not making her do anything….I”m just taking control of this house and there will be no smoking in it or around us or our children.  I have to say sorry to my Mom and my sister as they’ll have to prepare to not smoke for 7 and 2 weeks respectively:-).

Now that I have turned this into a novel, I get to the most important part.  I NEED YOU! This is no different than the RagamuffinTop Challenge, where I need some people to hold me accountable.  So, I ask you to do the same here in whatever way you see fit.  I would do the very same for you all….I hope you know that!

Do you have any addictions you’re dealing with and need someone to hold you accountable??  Shoot me an email or comment and I’d be more than happy to help!
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  • http://through2eyes.blogspot.com/ Nicole

    Good for you!! I am all for keeping you accountable for this. My best friend is a smoker, and recently tried to quit, and quit quitting 2 days later. I was not pleased with him.

    TRUTH:
    Things are going to get stressful. Something(s) will come up that will make you want a cigarette more than usual.

    That's because you're doing something GOOD for you, removing an addiction from your life, and the devil doesn't like that one bit.

    You can do it.

  • Pingback: Finally! Be free from smoking » Friday Reflections–Life Saving Reflection

  • http://www.crucialencounter.com Andy McMahon

    Wow. Last night, I was thinking about my smoking addiction. It's insane. I always joke, "Quitting is easy, I've done it 17 times". But it's really not funny. I always have an excuse to start back up. In the next few months, I will be going to the doctor to get some meds to quit. (I am REAL mean without a smoke)

    I will be praying for you Toby, and I know that with God in you, you can do this.. Keep it up! You have my full support.

  • Donna

    Toby, I think you will feel like this is the hardest thing you have ever had to do. I quit smoking for the last time in November 1991. I was going in to the hospital for my jaw surgery and I had to have some preliminary tests done. The anesthesiologist told me I should quit and give myself a better chance to make it through the surgery. I quit that day. God was with me and it just worked! I had found through the years that when I tried to quit I was like you and would go right back for a cigarette thinking I just can't do this right now. I just need to get through this situation or that and then I could do it. Well, one time I decided to quit and it just clicked. I quit for six and a half years. Like an idiot when I hit a really bad patch on life's road I picked up a cigarette and started in again. It was like I had never quit. That was in 1982 when CBS shut down. I smoked nine more years. I am coming up on 17 years smoke free this year. I have not been tempted at all.

    There are lots of ways to go about quiting and I would guess cold turkey would be the hardest. I was always trying to quit so I didn't smoke a whole lot by the time I would finally quit. When I wanted a cigarette I would go do something that got my hands wet like doing dishes or wiping things off. It only takes a tiny while for the craving to pass so I would be fine until the next time. I also had a list of things I didn't like about smoking. For instance, it stinks, it makes the walls yellow and ugly, it blackens the lungs, dirty ashtrays are nasty, and people don't show much respect for people who smoke. The preception these days seems to be only the less intelligent people smoke. A Kroger Unit manager made that statement and when I heard it I was determined to quit because I didn't want to be preceived that way.

    When Steve quit smoking he went cold turkey and that was 31 years ago. He took his cigarette money and bought a motorcycle. I think you should take yours and put Chaya in preschool :-)

    I am going to be praying for you. I know you can do it. Please just be aware that you can expect to be a crab and it might help to apologize ahead of time for the snapping and whining you will be doing. LOL

    Love you all,

    Donna

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